One time this happened...

I spend more time navigating office politics than actual work tasks these days, it feels like I'm stuck in some surreal, HR-manufactured purgatory where the sole purpose is to maintain appearances and not rock the tiny, stagnant boat that is our department. We're a team of moderately successful middle managers, stuck between micromanaging our employees and appeasing our bosses – the endless see-saw that is office life.

I stare blankly at the stack of reports in front of me, my mind racing with everything I need to get done. Suddenly, the coffee machine starts beeping, reminding me it's time for my caffeine fix.

My fingers are still cramped from that time I transposed two decimal places in a critical software patch and had to rebuild the entire module. The fluorescent lights in the office seemed to spin in slow motion as my coworkers stared at the screens displaying the code I'd written, waiting for me to explain how I'd managed to miscalculate the decimal point by a factor of a hundred-thousand, effectively crashing most of the western seaboard's internet.

Fragrant chaos spills from the vending machine as the lukewarm coffee packet tumbles out at exactly 3:14PM, synchronically with the building's PA system blasting elevator jazz. In the office I've somehow become 'The Go-To Guy' for all technical queries, despite the fact that yesterday I couldn't even fix a jammed stapler.

My fingers hover over the keyboard, hesitating as if trying to remember the Morse code for 'I have no idea.' A sea of coworkers' heads swiveling towards me has become the norm in our team's Monday meetings.

I was on a Zoom call trying to look professional. Right as I started speaking, my air fryer beeped loudly like a failing medical device.