One time this happened...

I stare blankly at the stack of reports in front of me, my mind racing with everything I need to get done. Suddenly, the coffee machine starts beeping, reminding me it's time for my caffeine fix.

My fingers are still cramped from that time I transposed two decimal places in a critical software patch and had to rebuild the entire module. The fluorescent lights in the office seemed to spin in slow motion as my coworkers stared at the screens displaying the code I'd written, waiting for me to explain how I'd managed to miscalculate the decimal point by a factor of a hundred-thousand, effectively crashing most of the western seaboard's internet.

Fragrant chaos spills from the vending machine as the lukewarm coffee packet tumbles out at exactly 3:14PM, synchronically with the building's PA system blasting elevator jazz. In the office I've somehow become 'The Go-To Guy' for all technical queries, despite the fact that yesterday I couldn't even fix a jammed stapler.

I was on a Zoom call trying to look professional. Right as I started speaking, my air fryer beeped loudly like a failing medical device.

My coworkers call me 'Excel Ninja' behind my back, not because of my impressive spreadsheet skills, but because I can turn a simple budget report into a work of art with judicious use of colour-coding and fonts. They're probably just messing with me, but every time I see the phrase 'Budget Update' in 72-point Arial bold, I feel a rush of pride and power.

Sometimes, when my boss is out giving a presentation, he makes this ridiculous 'fist-pump-in-the-air' gesture that gets the crowd on their feet, and I find myself mirroring it, feeling absurdly connected to this man I spend most mornings avoiding eye contact with. The fluorescent lights above seem to flicker in synchronization, but it's probably just my own caffeine-fueled paranoia setting in as I try to remember if I turned off the copier from last night.