Holidays & Events Stories
Weddings, birthdays, funerals, and holidays that went completely sideways. Big moments, bigger embarrassment.
Holidays & Events
The smell of stale eggnog clung to me like an uncle's bad cologne. My family's holiday party is a vortex of forced merriment, and I'm stuck at the periphery, feeling like a worn-out sweater.
Holidays & Events
My grandmother insists I put on a festive apron to cook her special gingerbread Christmas dinner, though last year it ended with me drenched in eggnog and the oven on fire. She tells me to remember our Swedish traditions but I don’t actually eat the gingerbread men once they’re out of shape, their little white bellies sagging from the heat, and I pretend my eyes are watering to spare her feelings.
Holidays & Events
Sometimes my relatives' house feels less like home than a giant awkwardly-shaped closet. The Christmas tree in the corner, covered in gaudy ornaments and half-undone bows, casts long shadows on the worn carpet as I stand there, clutching my obligatory gift.
Holidays & Events
New Year's Eve was unfolding like every other year, with the same tired routine: eat my mom's mediocre meatballs, pretend to have fun at my cousin's friend's open-bar apartment, and attempt to will the crowd into a decent countdown without anyone shouting "Ten seconds!" like I do. In an ill-fated bid to participate, I tried to dance, resulting in me bumping into a lamppost, a bewildered cat hissing at my knees, and, unfortunately, a minor scuffle with a flailing umbrella over control of the last slice of mediocre pizza.
:)
Holidays & Events
This past Christmas, my family managed to fit a small tree in the laundry basket, its branches jutting out like tiny arms, and placed it on my grandma's cluttered kitchen table - we'd convinced her she was too old to handle the holiday frenzy. We made her decorate it herself, with me standing by 'just in case,' my aunt piping up at every choice, 'No, no, grandma, the sparkly balls are on top of the garland!' but I was mostly just there to hide our glee as grandma meticulously balanced a glittering snowflake on the tip of a branch – it immediately tipped off and landed in a forgotten pile of last year's lottery tickets.
Holidays & Events
I stood at the edge of my family's holiday dinner, surveying the table like it was a minefield. In our annual gift-giving tradition, I'd bought my younger cousin a new bike, carefully selecting a shiny red one that looked exactly like mine had when I was that age.
Holidays & Events
Misteltoe incident - December 23rd still seared into my brain, and for the love of sparkly tinsel, please don't ask about Santa's mustache.
Holidays & Events
My family has an annual Easter egg hunt tradition where everyone has to dress up in their best, albeit ridiculous, Easter bonnet – and last year, I really blew the whole shebang. I spent hours crafting a magnificent, glittery, neon pink, unicorn-riding, Easter basket-hat monstrosity only to faceplant into it within three seconds of the hunt starting.
Holidays & Events
The fluorescent lights of the church stage reflected off my shiny balding spot as I awkwardly handed out tambourines to a room full of expectant children. I was 'Mr.
Holidays & Events
My aunt's New Year's Eve countdowns used to last exactly two hours and forty-seven minutes, give or take a few minutes for obligatory family selfies and her sister to whisper excuses in the bathroom while pretending to fix her hair. The room would grow thick with stale air from the endless supply of lukewarm canapés and lukewarm cheer.
Holidays & Events
I once accidentally sang 'Jingle Bells' with a tone-deaf crooner rendition in the school choir at our holiday talent show - in front of hundreds of people, most of whom I'd never met. My friends, who'd always claimed I could "totally hit the high notes," promptly abandoned me as I warbled awkwardly off-key.
Holidays & Events
The worst Christmas party I've ever attended started innocently enough: a white elephant gift exchange in the conference room with coworkers I barely know. I thought it was just a lighthearted way to spend a lazy Monday afternoon.
:)
Holidays & Events
My aunt insisted we make traditional Christmas cookies on Christmas Day, despite the oppressive heat outside. She pulled out an antique wooden spoon and held it dramatically above her head.
Holidays & Events
New Year's fireworks exploded over Manhattan, but our apartment party had devolved into a lukewarm dance-off with the neighbor playing disco on repeat through the wall. It was exactly 5AM on January first; my family had given up on countdown excitement three hours earlier.